11.11

6.13

2818 => 9.28.2018 here we come!

congolmerated brains

i attended/ collected college credits at baruch-CUNY, hunter-CUNY, Hampshire College, Washington University in St. Louis and now Wesleyan University. yet i only have one full degree with all this extra coursework floating around... now im applying for another and im noticing the lengthly transcript gathering process, with different bureaucratic navigation strategies. gotta narrow in and solidify this academy journey of mine! just one more piece of paper to conclude this scattered and joyous journey!!!

healing

a strategy i've experienced in partner stretching to deepen and expand your muscle capacity, and to assist in letting go, is to resist. push against your partner and when you let go, your body will let go further than when your started, while your partner keeps a constant pressure. this is ideal for the inner thigh, and quads. long lean grounding muscles that thrive on flexibility.

resistance is my m.o. i find my art builds clarity when i build strict structures that I take apart. I find that my personality enjoys a fight. reaching my best self with healthy doses of fair game, sport like competition.

when i am in a place that pushes me to be my best self, i know there is something right. I felt like i was there, and recently. but i felt, like maybe this self wasnt even  being look at or appreciated by the community I was in. There was some missing link. Some disconnect, between being and fully experiencing this best self. i am looking to draw the connections. When advancing, I need to make sure the chosen community I am within is supportive. see's my growth as positive, vs threatening change.

I need to let go of the clothes that dont fit, that feel rough. of things that dont fit me, or suit me. of people the same. Letting go is hard. Often times, in my process of letting go I bring in new things. The feeling of less feels scary. i want to have choices, or something available. But too much also means things are in the way, and less available. I am not using all of it. I want to work on keeping just what I need. letting go of my mode of excess. letting go of my fear of not having, or being deprived. letting in joy in place of fear. pleasure in place of pains memory.

dreaming woman

when i was young(er) i used to hear names of women in my dreams. names that stuck out. that were important. these names would become either women I love, or compassionately dislike (hate i would have said then). my dreams felt so real, yet i didnt understand them. they were from the future. this information was too overwhelming, i would panic, and cry. So i wished them away. i stopped dreaming.  i wasn't ready to handle, or didn't know how to process this information from that world, spirt or otherwise. and now, a little older, all i want to do is find ways to reconnect with those voices of wisdom. one. step. at. a. time.

later i became obsessed with the movie the terminator. I believed love could come from the future, and bring about justice today. fight injustice today, that is developed today but evolves into something far greater which also comes back to haunt today. fighting to restore balance. fighting. love. short. full.

im ready.

im preparing.

im coming.

a post from september 2011, found in google docs

maybe i’m not of this century.

where information exists for information’s sake. without regard for the learned person. just so you can take a look at it. let it sink in, so you can go back home and watch movies on your computer. so you can relax, and forget.

i’m all for forgetting, don’t get me wrong. i cant keep all of the memories of these 21st century attrocities at the front of my mind. or the those I saw at the end of the 20th, and those I learned of before.

heart

roll on floor. uncover the truth behind your passion. its not a simple trust based. inquiry.

don't ask me. ask you.

deflect.

simple tricks.

dont work. flock. follow. flow.

i want to build up my power with my challenge.

i am just writing to write.

what other reason do people write.

its been some time. and my hear it open. ing. again.

and it feels damn good, sometimes fear rises in my imagination. but im trusting that opening up lets in the much needed good.

!

xxx
k

heart (secrets)

heart is the core of the passion that drives ggttttuuuuuejbkjkfhdouoiuoiusofjhdouhoijsjjlkjlkjuououououououou