why this?

what can our bodies teach us about ourselves.

what can our imaginations create in place of lost fact

what information can we find if we choose to search

is it factual if its feeling

knowing is

something not to doubt for lack of scientific evidence

reason, logic has been the demise of the value of emotion

so powerful it shakes cities

and fallen many a hero-ine

and now we are at war in defense of reason

dis embody the mind to clear "cloud"

and what you get are empty lines of half people

deciding based on silencing parts of selves that cary vital information about inner health.

this work is about listening.

to ourselves.

to the parts that we silence

and see what we discover

when we operate

as fully integrated beings

First Day. Wednesday. Again.

Second Day. Trying, Success.

Third Day. Second Week. Monday. All people. Trust Falls in Studio. Joined by Maya.

Fourth Day. Meet 4:45 at Pool. Revise trust exercises in water. Note 5 words on h20. No H M

Fifth Day. Wednesday. Readings, NYT Ancestry Slavery. Discussion. Missing K A

Sixth Day. Thursday. Pass Secrets. Stories. Read Angela Davis on Rape. Missing K A and S D J

the dancing scholar

I am perplexed to be back in this stage of creating work for the stage. Apparently, all of my research and thoughts are supposed to be adequate, and at this point, I am supposed to be working on a performance alone.

My reading is now for pleasure to stimulate and remind my mind of the field I am working in. But i wish not to distract myself too much with other peoples ideas, as good as I am at readopting them and using them for my own purposes. Instead, I am now working under the guidance of various artists I've identified as relevant. Through emails and telephone conversations, my work is no longer in the silent quiet quarters of the library, where I fill my mind with infinite ideas and takes furious notes on fascinating details. I am now at the will of my own creation. Working creatively through my body to develop a story through my body's memory.

But, since I've come to this very heady liberal arts college, I find myself questioning my work mid way through, as if my body's knowledge cannot possibly be as valuable or significant as the work I would sit down and experience in that cubicle in the library. I find that my work in my body also, has asked me to take time away from the library. And I feel this insecurity that I am now just a physical being, without the mind I know I have. But I now ask myself, that time I spend in the library, do I ever ask myself why am not in the studio instead? I would in my first year. But now that I'm graduating and have gradually let my body's needs fall further and further into the background, I notice a shift in my values and an unfortunate insecurity in the value of the work I have been anticipating these long years here.

First Class

two of three were missing, but with the one, we talked the basics and sang "if i had a hammer" and had a good laugh.

we are both still wrapping up our interviews. I am going back to nyc this weekend to finish, and she will finish conducting hers through telephone conversations.

day by day the days go by. will i finish, sometime before i die, but that is a long long time away. hopefully i will finish a good few things by then.

does this post make any sense? maybe it does, maybe it doesnt. but one thing i know, is there is something magical about january. it is the first month of the year, its cold and snowy and its a time separate from everything else, where i can do all the things i never thought to do when in the city. because i was just too busy. or i just didn't see the sounds of the snow blocking out the traffic lights. it works too well for focus, and brings in lonesome stary eyes dreaming of sunny summer days and towers of ambition, future plans.