reaching the end of the rainbow

So I went to see for colored girls tonight.

And now, a few weeks later (NOV 30th) I am finally able to review it. I was struck by tyler perry's work. I felt, leaving the theater that this is the best Perry film I have seen yet (although I only attend the commercial theater thrice annually, and have seen only one or two others by Perry).

I was struck by his use of Ntozake Shange's characters and their poetry to create a narrative fiction that was focused on these womens lives. These women kept their depth, and the poetry of their memory came through with such elegance and emotion, as we saw their day to day life in the modern world, allowing us to place ourselves in thier shoes and connect to these various characters.

I loved how the structure kept a feeling of ensemble, while isolating a few central characters and arcs. The women's interconnected stories left us with a sense of community, which reminded me of the warmth of all the influential black women in my life, and our strength and perserverence. I was moved to tears, and to joy at the end. And it was raw, real and so elegantly structured.

I am impressed. Still need to watch it again. More to come.

Reading about what I love to DO

So, I just finished reading "Capoeira Beyond Brazil: From a Slave Tradition to an International Way of Life" by Aniefre Essien. From the first page, I was shaking my head in apprehension and other times in disappointment. From the title and blurb (oh yes, I was brave enough to go on my impressions on such a summary) I considered this book another important contribution to the contemporary practice of capoeira. In many ways it is, the book is written by a contemporary capoerista from Raises do Brazil in Oakland, CA. This American male practitioner's interest in bringing up essential topics such as its current international practice as an art form, gender and language barriers extend no further than presenting a personal account of the existence of these issues themselves, and how they manifest in one or two personally witnessed accounts. It provides no structural analysis of power, beyond a hypothetical question which supposes the fault to be issues entrenched in "Brazilian Culture" as if gender has already been resolved in most other regions of the world (such as the U.S.) and no women face gender bias in their lives outside of the capoeira academy. It is interesting for me, as a black women feminist and scholar to read new literature where men present their surprise as they begin their awareness of the world from a woman's perspective.

If anything, I think despite the recurrence of naivety in many of the arguments this book presents, I think Aniefre was successful in exemplifying the power of capoeira to bring awareness to the structural and systemic issues that individuals and groups in society face on a daily basis. We see how these "oppressive" -- as Aniefre claims --- forces are still present in symbolic acts of liberation, in the process of learning capoeira. Aniefre presents an argument, that these "oppressive" elements are introduced by a few less visionary people that teach capoeira, and they are the individuals responsible for the oppressive forces in existence.

Despite Aniefre's lack of power analysis in his depiction of the contemporary place of capoeira for women and practitioners in the U.S., I couldn't help but find myself surprised at the conclusion where he states his position in this work is that of an African-American male. From the first page, I was convinced this book was written by a white man. Not because of a lack of power analysis in relation to gender, or "oppression" as generally stated, but in Aniefre's claim to his attraction to the art. I came to my assumption by the choice of language, claiming he was 'enticed' by the art being of African roots or origins. Using language in the nature of exotification of blackness I usually attribute to the doing of whites. But too often, I tend to not keep on my radar the complexity of our contemporary world, where many of these notions of blackness have been internalized and re-appropriated by blacks in new forms of utilizing and seeking agency. Aniefre presents a very lucid example of such. His continual references to working with "at risk youth" and the dilemma of choosing to work with those with money over those who are economically disadvantaged. I felt this became clear in his reference to working with a young women who, despite her being "economically disadvantaged, {was} nonetheless brilliant". I was shocked to read such flat notions of this working class community of color Aniefre seemed to admire and attribute to his personal growth as a capoerista. He seemed to believe that despite their most probable fate based on their community, he prevented them from becoming "statistics" through his Nosso Quilombo. For this, I think he needs to re-evaluate his position in their lives as what comes off to be a Savior.

Anifre's intentions are admirable nonetheless. His aspirations to create a contemporary quilombo to provide a safe space for free thought and self growth outside a realm of drug dealings and gang violence is a great goal. To create a sustainable community of people with a common goal and love: the art of capoeria. What a beautiful vision. This vision is what Aniefre deserves to be commended for. Despite his lack of knowledge behind the factors that contribute to the issues that lay beneath the experiences he strives to mitigate through his work, I believe his vision appears successful based on his self-evaluation in this novel. But I do not believe his vision can do much more than provide an alternative for a few people. It does not change the world outside. But if we all had an option of escaping our current worlds of wealth build on slave labor, and gender, sex, race and class discrimination and violence, then maybe we face prospects of alternate futures that aren't caught up in the struggle to mitigate a deep and entrenched impermeable history.

Maybe his vision can work.

why this?

what can our bodies teach us about ourselves.

what can our imaginations create in place of lost fact

what information can we find if we choose to search

is it factual if its feeling

knowing is

something not to doubt for lack of scientific evidence

reason, logic has been the demise of the value of emotion

so powerful it shakes cities

and fallen many a hero-ine

and now we are at war in defense of reason

dis embody the mind to clear "cloud"

and what you get are empty lines of half people

deciding based on silencing parts of selves that cary vital information about inner health.

this work is about listening.

to ourselves.

to the parts that we silence

and see what we discover

when we operate

as fully integrated beings

First Day. Wednesday. Again.

Second Day. Trying, Success.

Third Day. Second Week. Monday. All people. Trust Falls in Studio. Joined by Maya.

Fourth Day. Meet 4:45 at Pool. Revise trust exercises in water. Note 5 words on h20. No H M

Fifth Day. Wednesday. Readings, NYT Ancestry Slavery. Discussion. Missing K A

Sixth Day. Thursday. Pass Secrets. Stories. Read Angela Davis on Rape. Missing K A and S D J

the dancing scholar

I am perplexed to be back in this stage of creating work for the stage. Apparently, all of my research and thoughts are supposed to be adequate, and at this point, I am supposed to be working on a performance alone.

My reading is now for pleasure to stimulate and remind my mind of the field I am working in. But i wish not to distract myself too much with other peoples ideas, as good as I am at readopting them and using them for my own purposes. Instead, I am now working under the guidance of various artists I've identified as relevant. Through emails and telephone conversations, my work is no longer in the silent quiet quarters of the library, where I fill my mind with infinite ideas and takes furious notes on fascinating details. I am now at the will of my own creation. Working creatively through my body to develop a story through my body's memory.

But, since I've come to this very heady liberal arts college, I find myself questioning my work mid way through, as if my body's knowledge cannot possibly be as valuable or significant as the work I would sit down and experience in that cubicle in the library. I find that my work in my body also, has asked me to take time away from the library. And I feel this insecurity that I am now just a physical being, without the mind I know I have. But I now ask myself, that time I spend in the library, do I ever ask myself why am not in the studio instead? I would in my first year. But now that I'm graduating and have gradually let my body's needs fall further and further into the background, I notice a shift in my values and an unfortunate insecurity in the value of the work I have been anticipating these long years here.

First Class

two of three were missing, but with the one, we talked the basics and sang "if i had a hammer" and had a good laugh.

we are both still wrapping up our interviews. I am going back to nyc this weekend to finish, and she will finish conducting hers through telephone conversations.

day by day the days go by. will i finish, sometime before i die, but that is a long long time away. hopefully i will finish a good few things by then.

does this post make any sense? maybe it does, maybe it doesnt. but one thing i know, is there is something magical about january. it is the first month of the year, its cold and snowy and its a time separate from everything else, where i can do all the things i never thought to do when in the city. because i was just too busy. or i just didn't see the sounds of the snow blocking out the traffic lights. it works too well for focus, and brings in lonesome stary eyes dreaming of sunny summer days and towers of ambition, future plans.