nonetheless, i think as my optimist self, i felt pleased. It was well worth the 15. I do have my personal hang ups about the conflicts of interest in the philosphical connections the instructor makes at times, which unfortunately is also present in the associations I make to the art as a student. Such as re-inforcing the eat or be eaten mind set in the game and approach to making ones presence in a roda I feel to be an ego-ridden conflict that is rampid in the contemporary capoeira world. The maleness in the room, felt eerily welcoming, as the only other women besides myself in the class is now dating the instructor (i learned today). I am far from a regular in class. I wonder often, why don't women feel welcomed in these rooms? What keeps them from returning? The teasing, unsuportive enviroment is one issue I find. Another is the male ego. As the instructor asked me to demonstrate a movement, and I cautiously aimed my martelo at his head and got him to esquiva in the incorrect direction, he went on to explain that his gaurd was down because he was playing with "felina" (myself), and I haven't demanded enough to merit playing a "real" game, so he wasn't willing to play with me for real. That is insulting. And as the student, who is learning, how unsupportive is that. Especially as the only women training in the room, since his female parter was injured sitting on the edge.
Capoeira training environments are far from supportive, one could say as per "tradition." But when a teacher chooses to demonstrate something with a student, that means that there is something to be learned. Even by the instructor. Perhaps he was distracted by the body that was kicking him, and this is his cover. My original instructor believed me to be of his most tallented, if not his female student with the most potential. I took those words seriously. And I need someone who is teaching me the art, to believe I am worthy of learning just like all other students. Why reinforce a system of exlusion, when the most important words of mestre pastinha were capoeira is for women, child, everyone.
And insulting my choice of song in the roda, when I havent sang in so many years, and I come full force with a verse, complex vocab, perfect pronunciation and sing while playing pandeiro. Then because i choose a "classic" that is for "beginners" that means I'm not challenging myself. At my former school, we learned an essential lesson: these capoeira songs are for everyone. We as students at hampshire college sang parana e over and over again, because the song had meaning. It wasn't a song for when you cant sing, it was a song to carry significance, because it is so important. That is why accross academies, continents and sytles you will hear that song in a roda. And these sly comments, putting down choices that are valid based on personal, poorly anaylized associations, are the moments when I think contemproary capoeiristas could really take a look at thier own egos in the form.
Its great to take on new definition of a traditional art form. Its so important. But what I really dont understand is the ways that people can completely disregaurd a legacy, of historical urgency it not be forgotten for the sake of somethign new and catchy. NOOO. so wrong.
Its late. this is not so organized. Stream of consciousness release of steam. x3 a week, for year = complex. But i walked into that room to remind myself that I have an intelligent integrated mind and body, and there were enough moments I had with myself to feel good about returning. But I must check my instructor, because I cannot develop in a place where I feel l am being overlooked and misinterpreted and undervalued. Not good things for learning.
Love
yours truly
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